A space where love resides…
21 Feb 2008
When I was in college I went to a mega church with a really big name pastor.It was a cool church and to be honest I went because there were a lot of pretty girls in the college group. But when I first went I had this strange idea. I began to wonder if it was possible to go to church without having any real communication or connection with anyone. I didn’t go out of my way to avoid people, I just didn’t do anything special.
For several weeks I would enter the parking lot, walk from my car to the sanctuary, sit at my seat, stay for the message and then leave. The only times I was engaged during those weeks were when I was handed a bulletin and when the church invited us to say hello to those around me. In both cases I didn’t say anything more than, “hello”. And I realized over time that I could hide if I wanted to.
And as I think about this little experiment, I realized that church can often be a place to hide if we want to. The structure of church allows us toshow up and punch our tickets, yet never really engage any real relationship. And to be fair, my experiment was essentially before the church began to embrace the “small group”. Most of Ralph Neighbour’s work had yet to be embraced on a larger basis. Most of the structures the church supported all happened at the church building. I’m not knocking this, just stating what was at the time.
And now I wonder if the church is at the point where it is realizing thatthe focus of what we’re doing must be geared towards the small group, orcommunity, or whatever we want to call it. Because real community rarelytakes place on Sunday. Real relationship takes place with people we get toknow over time. And research indicates that we can’t really get to know a large group really well. Our limits to real relationship are geared muchmore to a small group. And as we share life together, learning to follow Jesus and what it means to love together, we encounter real communitas. We encounter a space where love resides.
These are the spaces that look like dinners, and coffee and intimate conversations about how hard it really is to follow Jesus, but also how much it is worth it when we break through the barriers. These are the spaces where we encounter a group that is willing to deal with our worst so we can find our best. It is a place where we can experience love so we can be love.
And one of the tensions I find is that much of church is geared towards creating spaces where people can hide. And I get meeting people where they are. I truly believe in this in a big way. But are we creating spaces where people can get stuck in, even getting comfortable in their own complacency? This is one of my tensions about the Sunday meeting. It caneasily become, and has historically been, a place that leads to very little community. So when we show up on Sunday, the feelings of connectedness and community happens because of what we encountered outside of Sunday service.
One of the big comments that shows up in our Thrive groups is that people who take the journey to following Jesus in communitas say, “Why didn’t someone tell me about this sooner?” And this statement sticks with me…alot. These are people who have been going to church for decades. They suddenly encounter a depth of relationship that comes from working through love together. They encounter a depth of relationship that comes fromworking through their fears and their doubts and their triumphs.
And when we engage the journey of following Jesus, we encounter real community where we can see love, or the face of God. And isn’t that what we’re really looking for? Aren’t we looking for real glimpses, even deep reflections of our Heavenly Father that only come through other people?
And when we see those reflections, we begin to see that God is more real than we could ever have imagined. Not because we hear about it on Sunday…but because we experienced Him on Tuesday. I wonder if where so afraid to invite people into restoration because we don’t want to scare them away, when in fact they are dying to follow Jesus and we just don’t ask them?
Tagged: love
10 comments
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Comment by Helen
3.24 pm on 21 Feb 2008
when we show up on Sunday, the feelings of connectedness and community happens because of what we encountered outside of Sunday service.
I think this has to be the way it is – because isn’t a way to build relationships in most Sunday services. If you are already in a relationship with someone close enough that you know what’s going on in each other’s lives then when you see them on Sunday you can say “So how’s it going with your daughter?” and you both know exactly what issue you’re referring to.
If you don’t then most likely you’ll never find out what’s going on with her daughter just from saying hi on Sunday. She’ll hide it and then wonder why everyone else’s lives seem so perfect…unlike hers…
Comment by Laura Anne
6.09 pm on 21 Feb 2008
Amen to that Helen.
Having moved to a new city last year, I totally appreciate small group. the church I’m now a member of is far larger in number than the one I was part of before, and I have to say, I’m lost in a Sunday service. I rarely get the chance to see anyone I know and it can be a lonely place.
Discipleship, encouragement, community, family has pretty much all come from small group!
Comment by Jonathan Brink
4.28 am on 22 Feb 2008
Helen, I agree wholeheartedly.
Comment by Bryan Riley
8.24 am on 23 Feb 2008
Good post and nice title. I see a place where love resides as a place where one can’t hide. As such, we should build our communities of faith to be active, vibrant shelters of love. In the US it seems we have so often built our churches on the corporate model rather than the Kingdom model.
Comment by Charlie Boyd
8.19 pm on 23 Feb 2008
Maybe there is one more question we need to ask but which many Christians treat as taboo -do we need to have a Sunday ’service’?Are not all our gatherings (church)to be expressions of Christian community? I would encourage anyone brave enough to think about this to read Frank Viola’s ‘Pagan Christianity’ and maybe even try Martin Zender’s ‘How to quit church without quiting God’ for a more radical discussion of church culture and practice.
Comment by Jonathan Brink
8.29 pm on 23 Feb 2008
Charlie, we’ve been wrestling with this question at Thrive for quite a while and find that what we do on Sunday’s as a larger gathering can be quite beneficial to the smaller groups. But this requires a flip from primary to secondary. People then go to small groups and the Sunday supports what we do on Tuesday’s as opposed to the other way around.
We’re exploring the idea of feasts and story telling as opposed to the current methodology. We wanted to create spaces where people could be community in a larger setting but drawn to the communitas that is found in the smaller discipleship groups.
Comment by Jonathan Brink
8.32 pm on 23 Feb 2008
Bryan, the corporate model seems to be playing itself out. Willow Creek is Revealing, pun intended, this to be true.
Comment by Richie Rich
10.41 pm on 24 Feb 2008
Good post. Some preacher bloke said that the main point of a Sunday service is to get some good teaching. I would add that it’s good for a bit of musical praise and worship, communion too. I agree there should be more attention to the small group – as this is where we get to connect on a more personal level. The ‘turn round and talk to your neighbour’ is an exercise of superficial small-talk that I believe the church does to make it feel better about itself as it is ‘engaging with others’. I think next time I will introduce myself as someone who has just come out of prison and enjoy the response.
I plan to join the small group again soon, as I also believe it is the best way to engage with others. But, I dont think the ‘corporate’ scenario should be disposed of, only modified and made more appealing to the non-church goer. Please, ’spiritual’ talk to a minimum, prayer etc. as this could be done in the small groups on a much more personal level. Give some down-to-earth relevant teaching!
Comment by Richie Rich
10.43 pm on 24 Feb 2008
sorry – I meant should NOT be disposed of…
Comment by Richie Rich
10.44 pm on 24 Feb 2008
oh dear, i’m tired
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