Practising presence…
29 May 2007
We never seem to have enough time to do everything that we want to do, either having to cram in more or sacrifice something else. Our time has become are most valuable resource – we sell it in exchange for money in order to be able to afford the things that we want to do and that in turn has sporned a whole host of phrases such as ‘working for the weekend,’ or ‘dying to be on holiday.’ ‘Me’ time and ‘quality’ time have become so important, time to do what i want, when i want and where i want.
We often dream about winning the lottery, getting that next promotion etc until we reach that nivarna of having enough money that we don’t need to keep selling ourselves and can escape full time into our day dream world.
I am increasingly convinced that in our western lifestlye, our time has become comodified, for example, we talk that:
time is… money
time is… precious
time is… in short supply
time is… something to be invested
time… needs to be managed
What is our response to this as christians? I’d like to suggest three possible areas and hear your own thoughts on this:
1. gift of time
In an economic enviroment where we do not have the skills to rebuild someone’s home or help someone make their living we do have a precious gift that we can share with each other – our time. I am growing more convinced that having time for people, committing to relationships and being there for someone – and letting them know that and following through when called upon – are both incredibly powerful and counter-cultural.
In deed, I have noticed that taking the initiative and making time for people, offering up of myself reveals two things: firstly my own selfish self centred streak which is always clock watching and calculating what this is costing me in ‘me-time’ and secondly how valuled, appreciated and accepted feel when they know that someone is prepared to do that for them.
challenge: have i got space/margin in my life to be able to do this more often or do i constantly need to schedule people into the future to protect my time for the things i want to do?
2: being present
I am always impressed by the way Jesus seemed to stop and find time – especially in the small details, whether it was blessing children, spotting zacheus up the tree or welcoming a blind beggar who was yelling to him. Most of my time I think i would be oblivous -whether at work, or at home I am so often not present, a ghost in my life whilst i escape into day dreams of a better/more interesting/more money job, or a bigger house, a better neighbourhood, a stepford esque wife who met all my needs with none of her own or children that didn’t require my help and attention.
I am so often not present in my own life, in the conversations and occurances that are happening that i miss out on spotting those moments to ask: how are you? what can i do for you?
In fact i am so often busy trying to do my own things that i am not even present to God, prayer reduced to a quick shopping list and bible reading every once in awhile when i start feeling too guilty. Altho i am more than happy to have God’s being present in my life in order to get his blessing on my dreams.
challenge: am i fully present in my life? Am i like the Hugh Grant character in the film ‘About a boy’ who is described as “a bit of a blank” – wanting to remain an island rather than risk the inconvenience of making meaningful connections? Do i have a theological reality and spritual/social practices that helps me with suffering, boredom, frustration, confession and encourgement and connects me to others to be present in their lives and allows others to be present in my life as well?
3. Presence
In the film ‘Click,’ Adam Sandler’s character is given a universal remote control that allows him amongst other things to FFWD >> through time – boring family meal times, hours in the office, rows with his wife and even sex with her – although he is present in his life he has no presence/interaction/connectivity. The tragedy is that these are the events that give his life depth and meaning and give life and affirmation to to others, even as they are inconvenience and in some cases almost a chore. As the controller remembers his preferances it becomes an automatic occurance, even when he might chose otherwise and he becomes a stanger to his wife, children and friends.
The question I ask myself is not only whether I am present in my life, but am I a presence? What do i do with my time to bring out good things in the people and places around me – rather than dream of a romantic escape to somewhere/someone better – what do I do now about making where i live a better place? For example the simple act of picking up rubbish in my street rather than cursing people or wondering why the local council is so incompetnent that they can’t spend my hard earned money they tax me on sorting out this problem?
Challenge: Can I stop blaming others for problems, looking for an escape route or two, and instead start doing practical things to change the situation. How can I practice being and bringing God’s presence into my life and future in a way that is about me being part of his story rather than just wanting him to validate my own?
Your thoughts?
- do you agree or disagree that time has become our most precious commodity?
- how do you practice giving your time, being present and a presence?
- what have you noticed/felt as you do so?
- are the challenges for you, similar or different to mine?
Tagged: Presence, spiritual-practices, Time
18 comments
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Comment by Helen
2.29 pm on 29 May 2007
Paul, sorry but I don’t have time to think up a response to this :-)
Actually maybe I can take a moment – the way Off The Map wants to reframe evangelism is to turn it from taking someone’s time up while pushing beliefs on them, to giving our time and attention to them by listening to them and being kind to them.
It’s not an either/or, because if time and attention are successfully given to another person, they are likely to become curious about why on earth someone would be giving those things away for free.
As for being present, I intentionally try to get out of my head, often. I find it’s easy for me to get stuck in there. When I find myself there I say “Enough already – get out there – that’s where you’re supposed to be!”
Comment by Paul
9.32 am on 30 May 2007
lol, thanks Helen. It’s a good point about giving our time, especially to listen to someone else. I think I read somewhere that the average time until someone interupts what we are saying is 17 seconds.
I wonder if in part that is linked to being able to ask better questions, questions that show we are aware and present to that person? What do you think?
Comment by Helen
2.16 pm on 30 May 2007
Paul, I’m sure listening does help us ask better questions that shows we are aware and present.
When I was a Bible study discussion leader part of my responsibility and commitment was to listen to the answers people gave so I could say something back to them which was affirming and relevant.
Mostly I did ok at paying attention but occasionally my mind jumped off somewhere and I missed someone’s answer. Then I didn’t know what to say. That was very embarrassing!
There were fun things that happened because of the guidelines about how leaders were supposed to facilitate the group. We were not to value-judge answers – the point was to encourage people to be committed enough to study privately and then to be brave enough to share in the group. So if someone said something which was way out there, like, they must have read the wrong passage, everyone in the group would watch the leader eagerly to see what affirming response she (it was a womens’ study) would come up with ;-).
Comment by Paul
12.31 pm on 31 May 2007
affirming response like, ‘well thanks helen for at least reading your bible’ :)
One of the things i am most enjoying about our homegroup is learning to listen – to not have “the” answer. I often find there is so much I want to say that i wonder is it actually helpful, maybe it would be more helpful to listen and let others speak.
It’s a dilema i face at times when to speak and when to shut up :)
Comment by steven hamilton
2.45 pm on 29 May 2007
sorry to rush through this response Paul, but…
;-)
i think the gift of time is a most precious thing. have you ever read abraham joshua heschel’s ‘the sabbath’? the first chapter has some great insight into aspects of space and time and valuing both that have really impacted my life and the way i live.
the gift of time and the power of presence in the details of our lives and us in other’s lives…we just do not realize the significance of this, because if we did we would follow after Jesus and His Kingdom in giving this gift with power.
thanks paul…
His Presence is power and the gift of my life…even in the midst of various circumstances:
when the world overwhelms
and in my own strength I find myself flailing
…You are my touchstone
when I sink in the quandary of complication and hurt
in a world of complexity and pain
…You are my touchstone
when the foundations of the deep
are unleashed on this frail earth
…You are my touchstone
when the peoples in uproar come against Thy Beloved
and their hands grope for her throat
…You are my touchstone
when blindly we follow
and then in comprehension repent
…You are my touchstone
when menacing mortals shift heavy burdens
and for others they lay traps to imprison
…You are my touchstone
when the whole assembly of peoples
stand against me in shame
…You are my touchstone
when among the righteous I am planted
in a vineyard of Your delight that You nourish
…You are my touchstone
when rapt in awe
with Your Presence felt within
…You are my touchstone
when closer we become
and my very soul is knit to You
…You are my touchstone
when in the clouds and flashing lightening
do my eyes witness Your Glory
…You are my touchstone
when the cupboard is bare
and the tank is empty
…You are my touchstone
when tested in Your fire
and I come forth as refined gold
…You are my touchstone
Comment by Paul
9.35 am on 30 May 2007
Thanks Steve, no I have not read that book. What inparticular impacted you?
It’s a great point as well about the present reality of the kingdom of God vs the reality I inhabit, if i am seldom present to myself, prefering my own dream land, how can i be present to the reality of others and what God is doing?
Comment by steven hamilton
12.17 pm on 30 May 2007
a couple qoutes from heschel to tease you…
‘Technical civilization is man’s conquest of speace. It is a triumph frequently achieved by sacrificing an essential ingredient of existence, namely, time…’
‘…We are all infatuated with the splendor of space, with the grandeur of things of space. Thing is a category that lies heavy on our minds, tyrannizing all our thoughts…reality to us is thinghood, consisting of substances that occupy space….’
‘is the joy of possession an antidote to the terror of time which which grows to be a dread of inevitable death? Things, when magnified, are forgeries of happiness, they are a threat to our very lives…’
‘The Bible is more concerned with time than with space…it pays attention to generations, to events, than to countries, to things…Judaism is a religion of time aiming at sanctification of time…’
‘One of the most distinguished words in the Bible is the word qadosh, holy; a word which more than any other is representative of the mystery and majesty of the divine. Now what was the first holy object in the history of the world? Was it a mountain? Was it an altar? It is indeed, a unique occasion at which the word qadosh is used for the first time: in the Book of Genesis at the end of the story of creation. How extremely significant is the fact that it is applied to time: “And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy.” There is no reference in the record of creation to any object in space that would be endowed with the quality of holiness. This is a radical departure from accustomed religious thinking…Yet it seems as if to the Bible it is holiness in time, the Sabbath, which comes first.’
‘The world has our hands, but our soul belongs to Someone Else.’
Comment by Paul
12.24 pm on 31 May 2007
Thanks very much – i loved “religion of time aiming at sanctification of time…” that strikes me as being very relevant in my cram it all in life. I am increasingly finding that i welcome church as the one place my phone is off, i am away from the internet and I have a couple of hrs of space that confront and counter balance the me choices i normally make – my taking the focus off me and on to others through serving, worshipping etc…
Comment by brett jordan
2.45 pm on 29 May 2007
For most western people, time is definitely one of the most precious commodities… we are each given a finite amount, we’re not even sure what the amount is, and it inexorably disappears one precious second at a time, with no refunds or second-chances available.
Time is a resource, so to be able to give time, you need to have spare-time. Some have more free time than others, but we have to be honest with ourselves as to how much of our ‘busy-ness’ is caused by not being efficient in how we use the time we are given… like any resource, time is a gift from God, and we know how cross he got in those parables when people didn’t make the best use of the resources they were given!
Being present and a presence is a lot easier when we are not permanently tired. For some people, weariness is pretty much unavoidable (parents with young kids, chronically ill, etc), however, for many of us, improving our sleep/exercise/nutrition regimes would all help us to feel more connected with life.
For myself, I enjoy life a lot more when there is a little more ’space’ in my life, and it allows me to be more available to other people as well… however, this does mean not being as available to as many people, which can be a problem… when your diary is non-negotiably booked 3 months ahead, some feel you are telling them they’re not imporant!
oh, and the challenges are similar for most people :-)
Comment by Paul
9.40 am on 30 May 2007
Thanks Brett, i think you are right that there is something about caring for ourselves, i wonder how often a better body or in my case more wine and burgers is part of the escape – a short term fix with long term consequences. As a faith of late I think we have forgotton a lot about what resurection will mean and how we are part of a material tangible God, Jesus afterall came as a muling puking baby.
I wonder how much of my escapism is just consumer gnosticism – trying to escape to a better reality and not caring about my body or using it as a tool in the process of escape?
Comment by Makeesha
3.34 pm on 29 May 2007
I have become aware of the need to struggle through those issues as well – we talk about it often in our faith community as well. There’s definitely a balance of recognizing that God is present even when we aren’t taking pause to notice it but also taking pause to notice it is very important.
creating “margin” for relationship moments is a huge realization
Comment by Paul
9.43 am on 30 May 2007
Thanks Mak – that is a very important point, ty. God being present and my awareness of God being present are two different things. I also wonder how often God helps me by withholding his presence and refusing to be co-opted into my time zone as a way of helping me wake up? That i actually need to pause my life and what I want and start seeking after him again?
Comment by Makeesha
1.00 am on 31 May 2007
well, I DO think that God often “speaks through the wind” instead of the thunder in order to get us to be still and listen more closely
Comment by Paul
12.27 pm on 31 May 2007
i love that image Mak, especially as wind is so variable, from gentle to gale and also so external and uncontrollable – of course that faces another issue within me that i cannot control/manage my encounters in the way that i would like. God just doesn’t have time to fit into my box…
I’m also reminded of the kingdom of god being described as being the very atmosphere, the very air we breathe – that sort of breath of light and appreciation of the kingdom being all around, if only i’d stop for a moment or few to take it in…
Comment by Marc
3.44 pm on 29 May 2007
I think as we have moved forward this century something about making time for relationships has changed especially for men.
I know the series friends was fairly unreal but it reflect one thing, the parents in it were generally kept to the side line and the realtionsghips revolved around the maind six charactors who were obviusoly friends but acted more like a family and I think in some ways close friends have become the extended families that we don’t have anymore. So I guess the time we take for relationships is more important than ever.
Comment by Paul
9.48 am on 30 May 2007
Thanks mate, yeah but us men still need a pint, curry, coffee or all three to connect? :) I was thinking how often the connections are around doing something together – of course that might not just be a male thang :).
How do you see the change?
I think that is a good point that in a fragmented society the ‘urban’ family can often be about friendships, maybe it is something about sharing a dream in common? I find it interesting that at the end of the show the characters by and large ended up in committed relaitonships in order for the show to end on a high, maybe that says something about how we idealise commitment?
Comment by Marc
2.58 pm on 30 May 2007
My dad used to go to the pub and not do anything else where as myself and my friends go out and do things like snooker, gigs, dining etc.
That’s the best way to connect to people. There was a phrase that was popular a few years ago ‘in relationship’ which was a nonsense phrase that usually mean’t you knew the person to say hello to them.
Why do we try and ‘big up’ our friendships?
Comment by Paul
12.28 pm on 31 May 2007
what do you mean bro, “big up our friendships?”
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